Feelin Like a Typical SITCOM Dad.....

I resisted writing this one, because I feared I would come off looking like a complete selfish jerk. Actually, I'm still trying to figure out if I was a selfish jerk... or kind of selfish... I don't know

Anyway, the gist of the situation is that my son visited the emergency room for the second time in his short life... because of something I did.(1) I know I'm not the first person on the planet to accidentally harm his own child. Still, I felt like an idiot, and the sound of my son's screams of pain was like a banshee wail upon my soul.

The injury he sustained is called a "Nursemaid's Elbow", and is actually a common malady at this age. (2) It happened while we were putting Cameron to bed - my wife left the room to fetch him some milk, while I was assigned to the task of keeping him occupied until she returned. Well, Cameron decided to try and follow Mommy out into the kitchen and proceeded to slide off the bed. Half way down, he changed his mind and gave me the "Daddy, pull me back up" look. So, I took hold of his hands and pulled. That's what did it. In no time flat, the screaming started. He wouldn't be consoled, even when my wife returned with the milk.

Now, here's the part where I feel like a selfish jerk - My wife immediately put me on the defensive with "What did you DO?!?" and "Don't you know he's STILL a BABY?!?" I tried describing the situation as it happened, but I feared how her imagination was filling in the blanks. I knew that as far as she was concerned, I was being unnecessarily rough. What I remembered as a simple pull translated into a sudden, forceful yank in her mind. Of course, had I really been responsible, there was no way it could have happened at all.

I feel selfish, because rather than having my full attention on my ailing child, I was tempted to split my energies between tending to Cameron and defending my integrity as a parent. My super-ego kicked in and told me that whatever my wife had to fire at me, I'd just have to man-up and take it. It wasn't the time for arguments - we had a miserable kid on our hands. At the same time, I had fears of how this incident was going to add to some baggage that's already been piling up. There are times when I feel a double standard kick in: When she makes a mistake, it's because she's human. When I make a mistake, it's because I'm negligent. There are other issues that get into how much she trusts me as a parent and a husband (as opposed to being a "second child")... Anyway, I have all of this swirling around in my head at the same time I'm trying to figure out how to undo what I just did.

She gets on the phone and calls her family - I get on the internet. The family says put an ice pack on it (and by "it" they mean Cameron's shoulder - that's where she thinks the pain is coming from) and "see how it goes." The internet says that if we even suspect that a dislocation may have occurred, we should take him immediately to the emergency room. Two minutes later I'm dressed and standing in the bedroom doorway with my keys. Fortunately, my wife doesn't argue.

Cameron held it together pretty well, despite having difficulty getting into his car seat with a tender arm. He managed to try to keep himself occupied by listing off the names of the objects we passed en route (bus, car, truck.) I was afraid he'd freak out as soon as we pulled into the hospital parking lot - he's developed something of a phobia for people in medical scrubs. He managed to keep it together until we got into the lobby. As soon as a nurse appeared to lead us back to a 'treatment room' he started sobbing again - saying "All done!" over and over. (3)

The doctor who came in to see him ended up being the same one who treated him last time he visited the ER. Nice guy. Young but with an air of experience and knowledge. Calm. Everything you'd want to see in an emergency room doctor. He listened to me explain what happened, and afterwords he simply said "Based on what you just said, and observing how he's holding his arm... It sounds like Nursemaid's Elbow. It's a simple thing. I'll do a quick maneuver, after which I'll leave the room and let you console him. He'll be back to normal in less than twenty minutes."

Then he took Cameron's arm - he extended it fully, then bent it in a full flex without using much pressure at all. It almost seemed as if the guy was doing a diagnostic check rather than a corrective maneuver. There was no "pop," no "snap" nor even any sudden intense screaming on Cameron's part. The doctor just stood up, looked at me and said "Yup, that's what it was" and left. Within minutes, Cameron was poking away at a toddler app on my Android phone, freely using the arm that he previously kept glued to his torso,waving off any attempt to touch it.

The doctor eventually came back in with some paperwork, and a teddy bear for Cameron. (4) He looked at me and said "You don't need to feel bad - this happens all the time.(5) I mean, for future reference don't pick your toddler up by the wrists... but a lot of times this just happens without any real force. Some kids do it to themselves just rolling over in the bed." I tried to look relieved - I would have been more relieved if I had been sure my wife heard that. She was busy keeping Cameron occupied on my phone. When we finally left, Cameron was completely back to his old self: waving to everyone we passed and saying "bye".(6)

I will give my wife credit for not drilling into me on the way home. In fact, she hasn't brought it up since the night it happened, other than to say that she looked on the internet herself, and found that we should be extra careful with him: now that it's happened once, he may be extra susceptible to it until his body matures more and his bones settle in. It's a good sign - it means maybe I won't have to suffer being treated as the typical incompetent TV dad every time something goes wrong. Or maybe... what I'm really afraid is the recognition that I really am that incompetent TV dad, and that the best thing is to just get used to saying "Yes, Dear" a lot.



1) The first time was for a "Fever Seizure" brought on by a sudden relapse into an ear infection.

2) He's working on having the whole collection of infant/toddler afflictions before he turns three. I making him a badge vest.

3) It's what he's learned to say when he wants to stop doing something, like sitting in his high chair. I would have found it excessively cute, had I not known that at that moment, he was terrified.

4) Which now sits next to the identical one he got during his last visit.

5) My cousin's wife, a PHd. in Clinical Psychology, recently dislocated her son's shoulder just by lifting him off of her shoulders.

6) He's a charmer that way. I have a funny feeling it will get him into trouble one day... heh heh.